Mom Club with Robin Epperson-McCarthy
Robin Epperson-McCarthy with her family. (Photo courtesy of Robin Epperson-McCarthy)
Local North Fork mom, Robin Epperson-McCarthy, is one of the most fascinating people I know, and I say that unequivocally. Every time I’ve chatted with her, whether it was for five minutes or for an hour, I walked away thinking, “That woman is brilliant.” But unlike most experts, she doesn’t make you feel less than; instead, she leaves you more knowledgeable, interested, and eager to learn more. A world-traveled winemaking pro, co-founder and co-owner of Chronicle Wines, a seasoned sailor, total water lover, and devoted mother to Eleanor (age 10), Robin is this month’s pick for Mom Club.
Read on as Robin shares mothering on the North Fork in our monthly Mom Club, a Q&A with local North Fork moms.
Mom Club is made possible by The Stretch Garden — your place on the North Fork for recovery and rejuvenation, reimagined.
Q: Describe your parenting style in three words:
Robin: Aware of words.
I had to ask my daughter this question because I’ve never really thought about a distinct style of parenting. I know I’m not a dragon mom, nor do I have the patience for gentle parenting. She responded that I am aware of her words. When I asked her to tell me what that means, she said, “A lot of adults don’t listen to kids, but you listen to my friends and me.” What a simple, important thing to remember as a parent and as an adult in a small community. Kids are tiny humans; they have things to say, and they want to be heard.
Q: What is your favorite thing about motherhood?
Robin: Snuggles. The best parenting advice I received was to remember that they are “only little for a little while.” I cherish every little snuggle knowing that they will not last forever.
Q: What’s your least favorite thing about motherhood?
Robin: The invisible labor. I am blessed to have a husband who does most of the cooking and a huge chunk of the cleaning, but the mental load put on moms is just insane.
Q: Would you change anything about motherhood? Tell us.
Robin: More understanding for moms. I hate the term “Mom Brain” as if we are defective when we are just overloaded. Most of us have multiple calendars to coordinate; please do not expect us to remember everything! We don’t, we can’t. It is not possible for any human to process the amount of data thrown at moms.
Q: In your opinion, what makes raising children on the North Fork unique?
Robin: The intersection of art, nature, and agriculture. There aren’t many places that have our proximity to the art and culture of NYC while still having natural places to go get a little bit lost in.
Q: What role does nature play in raising your children?
Robin: It’s still a little bit wild. It’s hard to tame water, and that keeps at least the beach and the waterfront undomesticated. You can construct all the walls, boardwalks, and access stairs you like, and people can keep trying to develop beachfront properties and make the shoreline private. All it takes is one storm to return it to chaos, and that’s a great metaphor for life.
Q: What's your favorite recent thing that you've done with your children on the North Fork?
Robin: Winter beach walks. We are water people, and for us, the beach is not just there in the summer. In the winter, whether bundled up or doing a cold plunge, you get a different perspective, which is very different from the hot summer sunbathing.
Q: What's your children's favorite thing you've recently done together on the North Fork?
Robin: We live in Riverhead, and we recently went to the high school performance by the Blue Masks. We go into the city to see performances, but for my daughter to see her friends and their older siblings performing on stage was inspirational for her. She dances at Peconic Ballet Studio, and I grew up a total tomboy, sailing and building forts in the woods around Laurel Lake. I have no idea how to guide her through the performance world. Seeing her peers on stage performing at such a high caliber gives her a path forward and gives me insight into her creative brain.
Q: What is one thing every child should experience on the North Fork?
Robin: The water. Go swim in it, go sail on it, go look at it. It’s forever changing and beautiful even on a stormy day.
Q: Mothering lasts long after we're gone. It becomes the values that live within our children for their whole lives, too. What are some things that you hope your children carry with them forever?
Robin: Their self-worth. All children are beautiful, and they are special. That might be a cliché, but it’s a cliché because it is true. If I could give my daughter and all her friends that in one little pearl to carry with them forever, I would.