Mom Club with Rachel Flatley
Rachel Flatley with her husband Ryan, and sons Ronan (3) and Rhett (1). (Photo courtesy of Rachel Flatley)
I’ll admit that I don’t know Rachel Flatley on a personal level. Like many of us in this small community, I’ve followed her on social media way before actually meeting her in person — (gosh, writing that sounds so weird even if it’s commonplace on the North Fork, and probably beyond) — so part of me feels like I’ve known her from afar, but what I didn’t anticipate, was just how familiar Rachel would feel through her Mom Club responses.
Beach-lover, trail-hiker, victim of mom guilt, and the occasional overwhelm, know her on a personal level or not, Rachel is all of us in Mom Club.
Read on as Rachel shares mothering on the North Fork in our monthly Mom Club, a Q&A with local North Fork moms.
Q: Describe your parenting style in three words.
Rachel: Supportive, realistic, and a bit go-with-the-flow (which often means chaos)
Q: What is your favorite thing about motherhood?
Rachel: Watching them get excited and experience things for the first time. My oldest is three, and he’s just beginning to understand and be responsive to his surroundings and experiences. It’s incredible watching him get excited over a task or activity that might seem mundane or commonplace to us, but to him, it’s the best thing in the world. We live in such a rushed society, so this new phase almost forces me to take a step back and look at it from his point of view. The boys are also beginning to understand and communicate with each other in their own way now that Rhett (1) is growing into a toddler. There is nothing better than watching them both belly laugh over some silly noise they made.
Q: What is your least favorite thing about motherhood?
Rachel: Mom guilt. It is so hard not to feel guilty about everything! Not spending enough time, or enough ‘intentional’ time, with them, losing patience, not enjoying certain stages, feeling overwhelmed by the simplest tasks and requests — all of it triggers guilt. Children are exhausting, parenting is difficult, and it’s so easy to constantly feel like you’re doing it wrong and everyone else has it figured out. Guilt unnecessarily steals a lot of joy.
Q: Would you change anything about motherhood?
Rachel: I’d love to be able to relax and enjoy more of it. Sometimes it feels like I’m going through the motions and am not fully present. I’d love to be able to turn off all of the noise and be able to fully focus on the moment.
Q: In your opinion, what makes raising children on the North Fork unique?
Rachel: The landscape of the North Fork is what makes it unique. Being able to go from a nature trail to a farm field, to the Bay, to the Sound, all within a single day, is incredible. My husband and I work different schedules, and we have very limited time together as a family. On the off chance we have an evening off together, our favorite thing to do is pack up dinner and head to the beach. Our favorite is Goldsmiths Inlet. We joke that our kids have no choice but to love the beach since it’s our happy place — and thankfully, so far it’s theirs too. No matter how tense the day or how feral the kids were earlier, the beach calms, refreshes, and rejuvenates us. Bonus that the sunsets are pretty spectacular too!
Q: What role does nature play in raising your children?
Rachel: Both boys love being outdoors. We recently purchased a small picnic table for them, which we’ve placed on our back porch, and it’s been a game-changer. Meal time, drawing, painting, snacks — all better when outside. The boys love dirt (of course), playing (chasing) our chickens, collecting eggs, planting and harvesting fruits and vegetables from our garden, swimming, and fishing. My husband is very good about getting the boys involved with day-to-day tasks, and I’m pretty sure my three-year-old can maneuver a zero-turn lawn mower on his own already. His favorite day of the year is ‘mulch day’.
In the fall and winter, we frequent local trails. We obviously go to the beach a ton in the summer, and we are within walking distance of a playground, which we frequent year-round. Fresh air, water, and nature help us all to relax, refocus, and feel more balanced.
Q: What's your favorite recent thing that you've done with your children on the North Fork?
Rachel: I’m going to sound like a broken record here, but it was one of our recent beach adventures — we also don’t get out much in the summer!. We had perfect weather; the Sound was calm, and the boys were swimming, playing on the paddleboard, throwing rocks into the water, laughing, and enjoying themselves. It was just such a good day.
Q: What's your children's favorite thing you've recently done together on the North Fork?
Rachel: Rhett just loves to be attached to me 24/7 in his current phase, and Ronan’s favorite thing at the moment is riding his bike. My husband took him for a bike ride around Jean Cochran Park the other day, and he’s still talking about it.
Q: What is one thing every child should experience on the North Fork?
Rachel: One of the many nature trails across the North Fork, especially in the snow!
Q: It’s said that motherhood lasts long after we're gone — that it's the values that live within our children for their whole lives, too. What are some things that you hope your children carry with them forever?
Rachel: Contentment, confidence, understanding, integrity, curiosity, respect, patience… there are so many! And so many I need to work on as well. Like every other parent, I want them to be happy, to feel safe, to know they’re loved immensely, and to respect the people around them.