Mom Club with Zoila Darton
Zoila Darton with her husband and two children. (Photo courtesy of Zoila Darton)
I remember the very first time I met transplant momma, Zoila Darton. We were at the Veterans Beach playground, and we were both yelling at our kids for completely different reasons. (Yep, even really good moms yell sometimes.) I can’t recall what my children were doing or what hers were either, but I remember thinking, “That mom is keeping it real and I like her.”
Fast-forward more than a year, and I still feel exactly that every time my path crosses with Zoila’s. If you have the pleasure of knowing her, then you also know this to be true. If you don’t, I’ll share that Zoila has a certain energy about her that’s equal parts inviting, raw, loving, and honest. She wears her love for motherhood and the North Fork on her sleeve, making her an ideal member of Petite North Fork’s Mom Club.
Read on as Zoila shares mothering on the North Fork in our monthly Mom Club, a Q&A with local North Fork moms.
Q: Describe your parenting style in three words.
Zoila: Loving, intentional, gangster.
Q: What is your favorite thing about motherhood?
Zoila: I love how I am challenged to face myself daily. Lose my shit? Gotta face myself and work it out. Kids have a win? Celebrate the kids and myself, and how much I pour into them. Every moment as a mother is an opportunity to grow as a woman while nurturing my children, in a sense, nurturing myself.
I’ve become a mother twice, and I like to say that my first kid taught me survival and resilience, and my second child is now teaching me how to thrive in my greatness and learning how to stand in my boundaries and not compromise for what I believe to be my path.
Q: What is your least favorite thing about motherhood?
Zoila: I feel a lot of pressure around f**king up my kids. It’s palatable. I’m learning to remove my own expectations of what being a good parent should look like because simply thinking about being a good parent is being a good parent. I want this for all moms and dads. We put too much pressure on ourselves, and the pressure removes joy from our very limited time with our kids.
Q: Would you change anything about motherhood?
Zoila: No. Not my story. Everything I’ve gone through, the good and the challenging, all happened for a reason. I’m grateful every day to be of sound mind with the means to give my kids a good life. Even when I feel like jumping out of a window.
Q: In your opinion, what makes raising children on the North Fork unique?
Zoila: Space to breathe and dream, for both the parents and their kids. I grew up in NYC, My childhood was amazing, but it was so hard on my mom. I’m grateful for the ease this lifestyle allows me to move with. Of course, it’s not without the general chaos of parenting, but I can say with my whole heart that my kids are lucky and so are we.
Q: What role does nature play in raising your children?
Zoila: Connecting with nature brings you closer to your most authentic self. I know that when I wake up in the morning and I’m able to go outside and put my feet onto the Earth and breathe the fresh air and tend to my garden. Have coffee on my porch and let my kids run around and get out some energy, even if they don’t want to go outside, but this is us living our most authentic selves and getting closer and closer to whatever higher power is out there. When I’m in nature with my kids, we are at ease when our hands are in the grass or soil or sand, when our feet are in water, there is an energetic balance that surges through our bodies. That allows you to see things a little clearer. I know that being inside is also a moment to be bored, so I allow for that exploratory inside time, but there’s nothing like being in nature, being in the water, going for hikes, or going for bike rides. This earth that we live on offers so much to our daily lives, and I’m just grateful every day that my kids get to experience this life.
Q: What's your favorite thing about raising your family on the North Fork?
Zoila: My favorite part about living on the North Fork is knowing that I am building a forever home that will become a part of our family’s legacy. I can look around our property and remember every moment through the trees and flowers and various plants that we have grown in the garden, and each one carries its own memory. I recently planted a small orchard with some fruit trees, and when I look at those five trees, I get a thrill thinking about my future grandchildren enjoying fruit from those trees. I’m so grateful for my childhood as a New York City kid growing up, running around the streets, and having that very particular upbringing that made me into the streetwise and diverse thinker I am today. But now I get to bridge two worlds with our children, and I have the North Fork to thank for that.
As far as specific things to do on the North Fork, we absolutely adore berry picking at Patty’s Berries and Bunches, and getting delicious ice cream after — it is such a win!
Q: What's your children's favorite thing you've recently done together on the North Fork?
Zoila: The beach will always be my children’s favorite thing, no matter where we are. Whether we’re here, whether we’re in LA, where our son was born, or we’re in Sardinia, the beach. The water just calls us.
Q: What is one thing every kid should experience on the North Fork?
Zoila: The strawberry festival! So chaotic but sooooo fun.
Q: It’s said that motherhood lasts long after we're gone — that it's the values that live within our children for their whole lives, too. What are some things that you hope your children carry with them forever?
Zoila: I just hope that my children understand the value of taking care of people, whether they are your friends or family or not. I am raising children who know how to stand up for what’s right. They are the helpers and the lovers of the world, and I truly believe if you lead with this in your heart, all the other stuff will follow. So what’s my Legacy? Be a good human because good humans inspire more good humans, and we all need each other.